Apropos of Nothing — Woody Allen

The actors who like Woody Allen, like him a lot. Scarlett Johansson said that when began her acting career, he was the director she most wanted to work with. When asked if she would work with him again she replied, “I would sew the hems of his pants if he asked me to.” When Variety magazine asked Anjelica Huston if she would agree to working with Allen for a third time she answered, “in a second.” Miley Cyrus said she loved working with Woody as he was “an amazing person and an amazing dad” and went on to reveal that for many years a framed photo of Woody has been her most treasured possession. Woody Allen is the only person who can claim he has directed more female actors to Oscar nominations than any living filmmaker. When promoting the film, Wonder Wheel in 2017, Kate Winslet told a journalist that on some level she actually saw Woody as being a woman because he was so in touch with that side of himself and added, “He understands the female characters he creates exceptionally well ... his female characters are always so rich and large and honest in terms of how they're feeling and he just knows how to write dialogue for then to communicate all that.” Rachel Cooke of the Guardian wrote that when reading this new book, that it was great to find out how much Allen admires the talents of Judy Davis, Barbara Hershey and Dianne Wiest as they were “precisely the kind of women Hollywood likes to make invisible.” 

Allen was a big inspiration to such diverse writers as; Bill Hicks, Garry Shandling, Charlie Kaufman, and Ricky Gervais. John Cleese told the New York Times he believes Woody Allen is the only comic genius we have alive today. I guess it's no big surprise to learn male comedy writers and performers praise this new book. Reviewing Allen's autobiography for the Mail on Sunday,  the brilliant Craig Brown gave the book 5 stars. Brown singles out a few examples of Woody's witty one liners, such as "I'm 84, my life is almost half over" and "My parents disagreed on every single issue except Hitler and my report cards. They stayed married for 70 years - out of spite, I suspect." And Curb Your Enthusiasm star, Larry David, told the New York Times that Apropos of Nothing was a, "fantastic book... so funny..." and reading it was, "like you're in the room with him." The idea of being in the same room as Woody Allen appears to be some critic's worst nightmare. Monica Hesse wrote in the Washington Post that a book by Woody Allen should be used like toilet paper. Another critic claimed, "many readers will be grateful that Woody Allen's memoir has arrived in a time of face masks and latex gloves. So toxic is the volume that some may be tempted to rinse it in chloroxylenol before placing on a lectern 2m distant." Part of their reason for the hatred is to do with the very occasional comments he makes when he talks about young actors. They feel such behavior is unbecoming of a man in his 80s. Allen writes that attractive women like Scarlet Johansson are attractive. Which I think is fair enough but it's true there is something both adolescent and "1970s" about him saying  he sees the young French actor Lea Seydoux as being a perfect 10 and adding, "Maybe if I'm lucky there'll be a role she's perfect for in one of my films, like maybe she could play a love-starved lonely housewife and I could play her personal trainer." 

Another reason for the disgust is that rather than reflect the multi cultural soup of New York, his films tend to just be about rich white Jewish people who see shrinks and listen to the music of Cole Porter. It's certainly true that he views New York in a romantic way that's unique to him rather than make gritty realistic films about angry young black men. 

The thing is the people who love Woody's movies aren't just rich white Jewish people who see shrinks and listen to the music of Cole Porter, his films have broad appeal. For example, Spike Lee includes Allen's Zelig in his list of Must See Movies for young aspiring film makers. And, the number one film in South Korea at the time of writing is, "A Rainy Day in New York." Martin Scorsese once remarked, "Woody's sensibilities of New York City is one of the reasons why I love his work, but they are extremely foreign to me. It's not another world; it's another planet." The opportunity Allen offers of visiting another planet is precisely what his fans love about him.

In recent years Allen has visited great European cities and made films that are like a postcard sent by a loved up tourist. In an interview during the filming of Match Point, (which took place in London in 2005) he described himself as “functioning within the parameters of my mediocrity,” and went on to note that if he were ever to make another great film, it would be “by accident.” Some critics don't like this kind of negativity and see no humour or charm in the final sections of the book when he says things like, "I'm extremely uninteresting, shallow, and disappointing when you get to know me."

Like Allen, this book is far from perfect. There are little errors and a typo that an editor should have spotted. For example, Woody writes he was happy to work with Joe Mantegna for the first time on "Celebrity" (1998) when, in fact he had worked with him years earlier in 1990 on "Alice."

Another problem is that we know quite a lot about Woody already. There have been two documentaries made about him and two South Bank Shows. Eric Lax has written two excellent books about Allen's life and 2 other other great books where they discuss each of his films. One of the few completely new bits in this book is about Judge Elliot Wilk. When Allen split from his long term girlfriend Mia Farrow, it was Judge Wilk who presided over the case. Wilk was sure Allen was innocent of the things Farrow accused him of but believed Allen had no parenting skills and so denied him visiting rights to Dylan (the girl he adopted with Farrow). Allen writes about several other cases Wilk presided over and how he got to know many other parents who also felt he was a bad judge. Allen sums up Judge Wilk with this revelation, "Finally, the gifted still photographer Lynn Goldsmith told me this story. She had been before Judge Wilk in a case where he ruled in her favour. A day later he showed up at her apartment unannounced and tried to sleep with her. When she resisted and pointed out he was married, it did not matter. He persisted. She finally got rid of him. Talk about
exploiting one’s status. But that’s the kind of man I was at the mercy of."

Anyone who has ever bought one of Woody's many films on DVD will know that he's not into "extras" and "bonus features" so maybe it will be of no big shock when I reveal that this book is not fleshed out with glossy colour photos. On the back cover there is one photo of Allen taken by Dianne Keaton and that's your lot. It was, of course, Keaton who inspired Allen to write the film, Anne Hall (1977). In the book we learn after his romance with Keaton ended he went on to date both her sisters. Allen cheekily  describes Diane as being like a female Huck Finn. I think it's fair to say meeting Keaton was one of the best things that ever happened to Allen and she has proved to be his most loyal ally and confidant. The big love of Woody's life however is his wife of 25 years Soon-Yi Previn and it's to her that this book is dedicated. Over the years some people have been misinformed that Woody Allen was once Soon-Yi Previn's father or step-father or that she was a child when Allen's relationship began - none of these things are true. Part of the reason  Apropos of Nothing is our Book of The Month is that Woody finally sets the record straight and give us everything we wanted to know about Woody but were too afraid to ask.  The other reason it's our Book of the Month is that it's laugh out loud funny.

Text © Harry Pye, 2020

Apropos of Nothing by Woody Allen is published by Arcade, an imprint of Skyhouse Publishing  (£24.71), The Kindle edition is £15.49